On Mothering . . .
Dear Beautiful Soul,
I’m a mom. And I’d like to add—without ego—that I’m a very good mom. It’s my favorite role in life. I frequently borrow and adapt a line from Zach Brown’s Highway 20 Ride to describe my feelings on mothering: “It’s the pleasure of my life.”
That doesn’t mean it’s without challenges. That means very simply that it is the pleasure of my life to be my daughter’s mother. I wouldn’t change a single minute of it for anything.
Here’s three things I’ve learned about being a mom that I’m inspired to share with you as we approach Mother’s Day:
Create and hold the space for your child to become who they are. NOT who you want them to be or who you think they should be. It’s their life, not yours. (I won’t begin to delve into the helicopter parent problem, that’s not my point.) My point is I learned to be the safe space for my daughter while she became herself. Being that safe space means letting your child fail, get bruised, be challenged, succeed, overcome, be unsure, learn, grow, fall down, get up, do it all over again. And again. And again and again and again. When your child comes to you in triumph or in defeat, be there. Simply be there with trust, admiration for their journey, insight (if you have any) and a hug. Hugs are always good. Do this for life, not just until they reach adulthood. Being a mother is a lifetime gig.
Give them your undivided attention. Witness them and listen to them deeply—with your heart and soul, not just your ears. Do this from the very beginning and continue doing this throughout their life. Make time for this, deliberate time. Make your mothering a sacred practice, bring your absolute best to it.
Apologize. Yes, apologize. You are going to screw it up. Go ahead and accept that from the get-go. You will botch it, sometimes really horribly. So apologize. And, as you grow and learn and become a different person, you will have insights about your mothering. You will look back and see some moments that weren’t your finest; you will recognize some beliefs that were damaging to your child. Apologize. Role model being a fallible human. Show your child what it is to grow and change and realize you botched it. Acknowledge you screwed up, because we all do. Mothering is NOT about being perfect.
Mothering is a great journey. I’m loving it. I’m learning from it. It’s making me a better person every single day.
My daughter is now a grown woman. She’s lived literally all over the world. She and her fabulous husband (and their fabulous dog) have a beautiful life. She is happy and healthy and thriving. What more could a mother ask for? What more could a mother want?
It’s been the pleasure of my life and that’s a good thing.
Let’s keep the good going and growing . . .
XO Laura
